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User talk:Alolipop
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The shadow in my mirror page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 18:03, August 2, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:05, August 2, 2017 (UTC) Re: Story The story was deleted for not being up to quality standards. Starting with the basics, your story had coding errors due to you posting it using visual editor as opposed to source mode which made the text look like this on every line: "" I always had a fear of mirrors, more accurately, a fear that whatever showed in the mirror was different then it was in reality. And so I never dared look into a mirror for too long, especially looking into details of a room, fearing that one of the details in the mirror is different than the one in real life, that I might see something that isn’t supposed to be there. " Awkward wording/sentence structure: "And so I never dared look into a mirror for too long, especially looking into details of a room, fearing that one of the details in the mirror is different than the one in real life, that I might see something that isn’t supposed to be there.", "But then for some reason I started feeling incredible uneasiness, as if someone was staring directly at me with a very bad intention, then the feeling of dread came over me, I knew right away something was wrong.", "“Honey, who are you talking to” a voice from downstairs came, it was my mother’s.", etc. Punctuation: You don't properly use punctuation when using dialogue. "told myself(,/:) “Man up, there’s nothing in there(,)”", " “See, nothing’s out of the ordinary, everything is as it’s supposed to be(,)” I told myself.", "it would make sense for me to see different lighting(,)” I told myself,", etc. Punctuation issues cont.: Commas or periods missing where needed. "I decided to check my room and while turning(,) in the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure in the corner of my room", "That night, I had a dream about the shadow,(.) I dreamt of a figure standing there, it had no features whatsoever, just a very black figure, it was slowly sucking the light from the room, and the room kept getting dimmer and dimmer until I couldn’t see my own hands in front of my face.", "I woke up sweating, I was scared, I turned on the lights and examined my room, there was nothing, until I examined my mirror, there it was, a shadowy figure in my room(')s corner, I was terrified, I ran to the door but the figure stretched its hand and closed the door in the mirror, as it did that the door in my room closed shut!", etc. Story issues: A lot of your sentences are run-on. "I started hitting the door and knocking on it with all my might for what seemed like hours, someone would hear eventually, but no one did, I started crying, fell on my knees and gave my back to the door, when I looked at the mirror I saw the man standing in the back of the room just staring, I yelled(comma missing) “what (What) do u (you) want from me??!”", "no (No) response, then, he started walking forward, almost as if he was walking towards me, even more dread loomed over me, and I did the first thing that came to mind, I grabbed my baseball bat and was going to smash the mirror, when I hit it I was flung back with incredible force, and was slammed against a wall and fell unconscious, when I regained consciousness it was morning, I looked at the mirror, it wasn’t cracked, but there was nothing there, and the door was even open, I was relived, maybe I managed to- my thought process was cut off as I noticed that this THING was in my room, staring at me, I rushed to the door and ran off headed downstairs in the hope I might see someone.", etc. Story issues cont.: The ending also needs work. You are telling the story in past tense so it comes off as awkward when you shift to present tense. "When I came to, I was in my room, standing in front of the mirror, I saw myself, I knew it wasn’t me though, I looked dark, as if something is blocking all the light from reaching me, as if I was shadowed, I knew it was that thing, however what I didn’t understand is why it was grinning, it didn’t make sens- oh, it had hammer (sic) in its hand." Additionally since the story is being told after-the-fact, having that type of ending feels anticlimactic. Conclusion: There are other issues present, but I'd like to wrap up by focusing on the premise itself. This type of story has been covered a lot and your story really doesn't bring much new to the table. This is especially problematic because the mirrors category features a lot of similar tropes that are more descriptive and emotive in putting the audience in the protagonist's shoes. I would recommend taking your next story to the writer's workshop as there are quite a lot of issues present. Best of luck. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:29, August 2, 2017 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:23, August 2, 2017 (UTC)